Dear Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh and others...

I get it.

You're angry. Believe me i get it. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Pretty much every Liberal Democrat knows exactly how you feel. Just ask them. Seriously. We do, because frankly the anger you're feeling now, the frustration, the infuriation at somebody taking YOUR country and doing something YOU don't like with it is a feeling every democrat (and quite a few non-democrats) is intimately familiar with.

We watched with growing rage and horror for eight very very long years as the country we love and live in got systematically flushed down the shitter in more ways than even we had imagination to devise. If someone had told me nine years ago that our country would toss out the Geneva Convention, Employ torture openly, kidnap citizens of other countries and hold them in unknown camps for indeterminate periods of time without trial or anything i probably would have said that's absurd. I would have said the rule of law would protect against such things. If someone told me we would dutifully march off to war in a country where there was absolutely no evidence of biological or chemical weapons and that country would be accused, irrespective of the heaps of evidence to the contrary, to have ties to a known terrorist organization i would probably have laughed at them.

And this is just the beginning. But i'm not going to go into all of it. I'm just going to say i feel your pain. Really. Truly. I do.

But come on already.

Every day i read about your righteous indignation about this and that and the other thing. I read noxious reports on the possibility of revolution, tea parties, secession, rage rage hysteria some more rage and a little bit of bile, gall and wormwood thrown in for good measure. All directed with as much vim and vigor and enthusiasm as a group of hitler youth tossing copies of the torah into fires. Not saying you're Nazis because as you have clearly established in many of your more interesting posts we liberals are. As we all know we're leading the country to socialism. Which is fascism. I'm still trying to work that out.

Look. Take it from a democrat. It isn't going to do you any good in the long run. It really isn't.

Or heck. Maybe it will. Who knows? Let's just take a moment and reflect on the best possible solution to your (our) current problems. Barack Obama does the right thing and steps down from office - whether this is done through armed insurrection as some have proposed or because someone realizes that he stole the election and is, in fact, Osama Bin Laden in a really clever disguise. Whatever. So. Naturally we give the country back to the conservatives in the personage of Sarah Palin. Of course. I mean, who else is really qualified? Rush Limbaugh isn't even a politician. Mitch McConnell? Only if he could win against Sarah in a cage match and lets face it, that isn't going to happen. The only one with a shot is Dick Cheney and i'm pretty sure Sarah could take him though it would be a good fight worth at least $100.00 on pay per view.

From there we have much rejoicing. Everyone (except those damned Fascist Socialist Marxist Stalinite Trotskyists of course but who cares what they think - whoever they are.) celebrates. Schools close in an outpouring of joy, and so we can have enough time to purge them of their FSMST's which is everybody. Labor unions immediately take a hike so we can get on with the business of running America seriously without interference. Who needs those guys anyway?

Alright. Now that we got the labor unions gone and the teachers gone and alot of little kids running around we've got to do something with them. We sure as hell won't educate them, because well. Why? It's not like they're going to use it anyway and lets face it most of 'those' kids aren't worth the money to educate. It's my money anyway and i don't have kids so why would i spend my money on anyone elses kids? I know! Let's put them to work. Hell. It even makes sense. Seeing as kids are, what, a fourth of a person you can pay them a fourth as much, right? So right there you can stave off any of our good american money making companies from going overseas.

Problem solved. We're off and running. What? What abou those Fascist Socialists? Well. They won't cause much of a fuss really. After all they're a bunch of unamerican hippy swine. They didn't even take the second amendment seriously enough to buy guns to protect themselves against us. So. Problem solved. What are they going to say to us? Gee, please don't do this? Nah. They won't say much at all. They will lapse into their snivelling whininess that we all know they do and they will be quiet. If they aren't quiet, of course, we send them where the teachers went. Someplace else. Maybe Canada.

The environment - What environment? God gave it to us so we're going to use it. Global warming? Our scientists have proven that it doesn't exist and the scientists that prove that it does exist, no longer exist. So that takes care of that.

International Affairs. Oh that's easy too. Anybody who pisses us off gets stomped. We are America after all, the Best Damned Country Ever In the History Of Anything EVER. And if you don't agree we'll smash something. We're good at smashing things. It makes us happy. And none of this silly talking stuff. We don't do that. We don't shake hands with people. We don't say nice things to our enemies. Nope. That's not our way. We smash.

And finally to economics. We have a great idea about that. Yeah the economy is in the shitter which is clearly the fault of those fascist socialist trotskyite capitalists so once we get rid of them, well, there will be more space - more houses available and more jobs for the good americans. So that solves the jobless issue. As for money? Well. Now that we have those guys going back to work, and their kids, and the unions are gone everybody can happily work 15 hours a day - taxable of course, which will go to running what little government there is. (cause what need do we have for that except to buy more guns to stomp those we don't like) Those tax revenues that are left will, naturally, go to those people who provide the 15 hour a day jobs so that they can provide more 15 hour a day jobs to more kids, i mean people. Obviously someone will have to have money to buy the things that the 15 hour a day worker produces so its also a good thing to keep those folks fairly flush with cash, don't you think? I do.

So there you go. I like it. You know i think i'm starting to come around to this idea. It just might work.

So keep up the anger. Protest. Buy more bullets. Have tea parties. If a democrat dares to say something like 'the sky is blue' today tell them it's red or better yet shoot them. Whatever you do, of course, do not engage them in conversation, don't try to be patient, don't listen, and don't think about it, and do not offer any ideas. That's just what we want you to do. Give us only your anger and confusion and frustration. Do not attempt being productive - that's playing right into our plans. Just sit and stamp your feet and eventually we'll come around.

Seriously?

P.S. Yeah, i'm wordy as hell. Sorry. Not to mention - first shot out of the box and i come up with this less than kind diatribe. Again. Sorry. Particularly to those of my friends who might find this and happen to be conservatives. You know me and you are aware that this is not directed at you but more at those bloviating twits who spew hot air and not much else. I have a great deal of affection for good discussion on issues even from a conservative viewpoint but i get a little tired of the constant, mundane, horror of most of the commentators out there.