A New Day in the 111th Congress

Scene: The opening day of a new session of congress. The junior congressmen, some still in their footy pyjamas, stumble blearily in. The senior members look askance at those in the footy pajamas, suck liberally on juice boxes as they shove each other to their preferred seats.

Nancy Pelosi – That's MY seat.

Miller of California – Nuh uh. It's mine.

Nancy – The president said it's MINE. It's MY seat, see? It has my name on it.

Miller of California – You can't read yet.

Nancy – Can too. It says (pointing at the name plate) NAAN CEE. See?

Miller of California utters something under his breath and skulks away, clutching his juice box.

The vice president of the united states, an affable kind looking but somewhat hapless man strides to the podium of the floor and taps the microphone.

In the back of the room a Senior congressman from Nevada has thrown his Juice box at a Junior congressman and is giving him a 'Noogie'

Junior Congressman – STOP IT!!

Heller of Nevada – Say it!

Junior Congressman (struggling) – Nooooo…

Heller – Saay it!

Junior Congressman – I'll tell my dad!

Heller – Just say you'll vote NO for that thingy with the sick people.

Junior – What thingy with sick people?

Heller of Nevada – YOU'LL see and you're gonna get it if you don't vote no. I'm gonna tell all your constituents that you're a poopy butt.

Junior Congressman – NOOOO. Please don't. Maybe we can be friends. If I vote no my state won't like me.

Heller of Nevada – They'll like you even less if you vote Yes. No one likes you anyway. You're new here. No one likes the new kids. No one EVER plays with the NEW kids.

Heller lets go of the Junior Congressmans head and points at him, glaring.

The affable Vice President keeps tapping the microphone.

Vice President – Okay Class. Okay. Please find your seats. Please.

Some other Congressman has found a cardboard mock up of a Congressional Bill. It flies through the air at a group of Congressmen huddled in the aisle who are using similar cardboard bills to make a fort around themselves. Another Senior Congressman runs down the aisle and stomps through the 'fort' to the resounding groan of those trying to build it.

Senior Congressman – You can't stop me! I'm Congressman Mothra!!!

Building Congressman – You mean Murtha.

Senior Congressman – I mean MOTHRA!!!

He swoops, arms outstretched, at the pile of rubbled carboard congressional bills and kicks them about the room. The juniors groan again and diligently set to work rebuilding it.

Vice President – Okay class. Please sit down. Class. We've got a lot of good things to learn today…

A group of republican congressman have cornered another hapless junior republican senator and are tapping the top of his head like a drum with pencils.

A Female Congressman is chasing her Male Colleague around the hall, weaving through the mob, making 'kissy faces' at him.

Another Democratic Congressman, having found Supreme Court Justice Robes is counseling his Junior Colleague with his best Jedi Wisdom.

Democratic Congressman – In time you will learn to control your anger, Young Padawan. Be mindful of the energy of the Mandate. The Mandate flows through us, and around us…

Junior Colleague – Yes, My Master…

Vice President – Okay. If you'll please be quiet and find your seats. If you're really good I've got a special treat for you at lunch!

As if on que Joseph Lieberman, wearing an Alf puppet on his hand pops up from behind the podium. The entire Congressional body goes quiet in rapt attention.

Lieberman (as Alf) – well, well, well – look at all the grown up boys and girls all ready to start a new session of Congress. So many new faces and so many old ones. This should be really fun, like being gassy after a plate of lasagna.

Mutters through the crowd – He said GASSY!

Gradually the crowd sullenly shuffles to their seats.

Lieberman and Alf leave the podium. Vice President stands smiling.

Vice President – Okay. Good class. I can see we're going to be a really good class. I am your Vice President.

A few in the crowd erupt – You're not MY vice president. I didn't vote for you!!

Vice President – I have been appointed by the constitution of these United States to preside over this 111^th class of the Congress.

Several Congressmen – Nuh UH!!! It doesn't say so!

Vice President – Okay. You're right. It doesn't. I am taking dramatic license and somebody had to get you guys under control.

Several Congressmen – You're not my FATHER!

Vice President – Okay. First I'd like to get to know you a little bit before we get started. So let's go around the room and you can tell me your name and what state you represent and a little bit about yourself…

He points to the back of the room.

Vice President – Start with you, the Congressman from Virginia.

Cantor of Virginia – Hi. Umm… I'm Eric Cantor. I represent Virginia which is a really nice place and really nice and close to here and I like it a lot. I'm a republican.

Vice President – Very nice Eric Cantor of Virginia. A republican. What does being a republican mean?

Cantor of Virginia – It means I'm a republican. I repub! I'm one of the only people who are allowed to repub! Other people can't repub. Just republicans.

Ellison of Minnesota (interrupting) - I'm a DEMOCRAT.

Cantor – Crat. Rhymes with Crap. You're a poopy butt.

Ellison – Mr. President!

Vice President – Now Mr. Cantor. We try not to use language like that in congress. Do you think you can say something nice to your distinguished colleague from Minnesota?

Cantor – NO. You're not the boss of me!

Vice President – No. No one is the 'Boss' of you Mr. Cantor but people don't like it when you say bad things about other people. It hurts feelings.

Cantor – I don't care.

Vice President – How would YOU feel if Mr. Ellison called you a poopy butt?

Cantor – I don't care.

Vice President – I think you would.

Moore of Wisconsin (to Cantor) – YOU'RE a poopy butt!!!

Cantor – I'm telling my constituency!!!

Moore – You're still a poopy butt! Poopy butt poopy butt, republicans are poopy butts!!!

The democratic half of the aisle start laughing and pointing. The Republicans pout. One high strung republican dashes across the aisle and tackles a democrat.

Joe Lieberman with Alf reappears.

Joe (as Alf) – Now congress. Don't you want me to play with you at recess? If you don't be good I can't come and play…

Congress settles down again, grumpily.

Vice President – Ms. Moore would you please stand up?

Gwen Moore of Wisconsin stands. She looks abashed and shamed.

Vice President – Please apologize to your fellow congressman.

Moore of Wisconsin (spitting it out) I'm SORRY!

Vice President – All better, Mr. Cantor?

Cantor – I don't care.

Vice President – Now what is a democrat? This shall be our first lesson. Anyone?

A Democrat – Standing up brightly. A democrat is a smart person. Demo is the brother of Devo and Devo are smart. So we're smart. And crat is like Cat so we're smart and furry and cuddly. Democrat.

Vice President – Anyone else?

Another Democrat – A democrat is a person?

Vice President – Very GOOD! Now. Mrs. Bachmann of Minnesota would you like to tell us what a Republican is?

Bachman of Minnesota – A Republican is a SMARTER person cause we're Lican. Like like an – so we're Like things and things like us. And Repub is just what my esteemed and cute colleague from Virginia said. We're repubs which is better than just pubs which are dirty places where dirty people go to do dirty things.

Vice President (sighing) – Good Mrs. Bachmann. You said an interesting thing there. You said that republicans are people the same thing that Mrs. Moore said. So… (brightly) you're both people right?

Moore and Bachmann – Nuh – uh. (shaking their heads)

Vice President – No? Then what are you?

Bachmann – We're the RIGHT people. They even say it. They're the LEFT people. And we're the RIGHT people so we're Right and they aren't.

Vice President – But you're both people right? (looks briefly shocked at the words he chose)

Bachmann – See? Even you said it!!

Vice President – I didn't mean… I meant you're both PEOPLE.

Somewhere in the very back of the crowd, standing against the wall under a giant heap of books they seem to be carrying for other congressmen a tiny hand reaches up.

Vice President – (seeing the hand) You there in the back would you like to say something?

Pierluisi of Puerto Rico – (in an accent) I see what you're saying, sir. We're all people so we need to work together for all of the people. Which we are. Cuz really we're people and we just want to be liked and live good lives, right?

Vice President – That's absolutely right mr?

Pierluisi – Pierluisi, sir. I represent Puerto Rico.

Bachmann – Who let YOU in? YOU'RE not people at all. YOU don't represent ANYBODY.

Pierluisi – (sadly defensively) yes I do. I represent Puerto Rico. It's beautiful and has lots of nice trees and it's always warm not like Minnesota. YOU'RE like part of Canada! Where it's always cold and there's snow and bears and things.

Bachmann – But YOU'RE not even a STATE. At least WE'RE all STATES!

Pierluisi – Well. We don't even wanna be a state. All of you states are snobs.

Sablan of Northern Mariana Islands – Yeah. All you states are Snobs. You don't even let us play.

Moore – And who are you little fella?

Sablan – Northern Mariana Islands.

Moore – And where is that?

Sablan – It's in the OCEAN! All you have is a big LAKE. WE have the OCEAN!

Moore – It's okay. I didn't mean to… I'm sorry. (genuinely)

A Congressman stands up in the middle and raises his hand.

Vice President – (wearily) Yes Mr. Sessions?

Sessions of Texas – Well I'm from texas and we're better n all you. You let Mariana and Puerto Rico in here. Well we wouldn't and you ain't the boss of us. I'm takin' my Bills and going home. And we're gonna start a better congress than YOU! Cuz YOU all ain't from texas and texas is the best people of all! Cuz we're the Biggest people of all and that makes us the BEST. So we're Leaving.

Vice President – Mr. Sessions I'd appreciate it if you would sit down.

Sessions – Nuh UH! I will NOT sit down cuz Texans stand tall. Tall cuz we're BIG and big is…

Vice President – We'd really like you to sit down Mr. Sessions. We really appreciate what you bring to our Congress and would hate to lose you.

Sessions – We're better than ALL of you cuz we know how to do our business and our business is BIG. We're BIG boys - our constituents say so! And you'll see when we have OUR OWN CONGRESS how we do things and it'll be WAY better than YOUR congress!

Cantor – Our Friend from TEXAS is right. We should just have our OWN congress where we can do things OUR way. If you snotty little Democrats want to come and play you'll have to play OUR way.

Vice President – The point I was trying to make is that we're all people in the end and we all want the same things, like Mr. Puerto Rico said.

Bachmann – We're BETTER people. We're RIGHT people.

Moore – But we have More people. And More people means that people like US more.

Bachmann – Hey! Ellison just pulled my hair!!!

Ellison – She started it! She stole my Koran!

Bachmann – you're not supposed to have one of those in here anyway! It says in the constitution 'In GOD we trust" not 'In ALLAH we trust' you're a terrorist and you shouldn't be here, George said so.

Ellison – It doesn't say that in the constitution.

Bachmann – YES IT DOES!!! I read it right here!!! (pulls out a dollar bill)

Vice President – Mrs. Bachmann that's not the constitution.

Bachmann – Uh HUH! My constituents said so!

A general melee ensues. Both sides of the aisle come together in the middle to tear at each other.

Joe Lieberman (as Alf) – Now kids. Children…People…Fellow legislators…

Nancy Pelosi (wearing hall monitor band) Hey! Mr. Vice President said he's teaching. You should listen to him. You're all going to get in trouble. Hey Wilson! (pointing at Joe Wilson who is busy biting Max Baucus in his leg) I'm writing you up for that!

Vice President – Mr. Cantor could you please not whack Mr. Pierluisi with HR 3200? That is a piece of Legislation!!!

Cantor – NO! You're not the boss of ME!!

Pierluisi – I just wanna go home.

Sablan – Me too. They're all nuts. (together they leave)

Outside, on the capitol steps, Pierluisi and Sablan run into a crowd of people from all over the country standing impatiently.

Person – What's going on in there?

Pierluisi – They're coming across the aisles.

Person – Oh good.

What you're missing and why you're missing it.

Apparently i was a journalist in a past life or i should be one now. I don't know and i don't much care. The fact of the matter is that it is distinctly possible that much of America has yet to fully wake up to what has been going on for the past week or so. Lord knows the media has mostly missed the boat. I figured it was high time that i post something to my one avid reader (you know who you are, sorry i haven't written recently but i've been glued to twitter) that sort of gives the most cursory explanation of what's going on.

For starters there are two revolutions. Possibly three if you are prone to notions of Hope and Compassion as i am. The first is strictly owned by the Iranian people. This has been written about extensively but not very completely so it might be a little confusing to those few who might come across this blog in the due diligence of time. The fact that it is entirely an Iranian affair has been made evident by those on the ground, using thousands of tiny voices which collectively have risen into a choir. And what a beautiful choir. Somehow, as if ordained by a higher power, this choir has risen and carried across oceans, through continents, over mountains, forded rivers. It does not recognize borders, governments, or any institution wrought by man because it is man. So many across the world have been enchanted by this song of hope and freedom that we, individually and with the fullness of our humanity, have joined our songs to theirs and now the world is rapt with it.

I can only really write what i have seen and felt. I have seen people who have had such long, well rehearsed wariness between them, pulling down their own barriers and reaching out their experience to help in whatever way they can. Bloggers blog, techies work diligently to create proxy servers, hackers here and there and everywhere find their targets and hack, artists paint, musicians sit at their pianos, poets some in america, some in europe and one on the rooftop of her apartment in Tehran compose elegies.

In the days following 9/11 it was popular throughout the world to state "we are all american." Today we are all Iranian. If the voices of this collective song of humanity do not stir you to tears on occasion i must say that i worry for your sense of humanity. But no worry, the rest of us are looking out for you nonetheless.

The New Media, of course, is the second revolution. Much of the world media has sat idly by on the sidelines throughout most of this, probably well accustomed to the periodic upheavals of the middle east and by their dumbfounded complacency have contributed to the insipid propaganda spewing from State TV. Even in the rare instances where they have been somehow persuaded to ascertain the events in Twitter and Facebook, they have endangered lives in their bullish excuse to get the story out at all costs. Aside from a few journalists: http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/the_web/article6544276.ece
and a few others no one has taken the time necessary to understand what the New Media is doing. They seem to drop in to cull the shrapnel of information like a basking shark scooping up his meal, which they then vomit out wholesale without context and without regard.

What they don't understand, or won't understand, is that this is THE game changer. In this moment brave journalists who did not spend years studying journalism, are scooping them relentlessly, not for glory or a headline but because it is survival. To be heard is to be seen, to be seen is to be known, and to be known is to exist. The death of one girl, Neda, who's last breaths were captured by a brave 'journalist' at the possible risk of his own life has brought this into stark contrast with those who would stand by and allow others to tell them what the news is. We know Neda existed. We know she stood peacefully by her father at a rally in Tehran and we have watched her sacrifice. If she can be brave, if the one who captured it was brave, and if all of those people were then it is worth your sacrifice to let these things be known. To do otherwise is cowardice. What are credentials worth when the preservation of them gag you from doing your job effectively?

I'm quite certain the parameters of this New Media will change rapidly from here on out. The government disinformation will get more effecitve (it is already showing signs of doing so) new methods will be found and explored and exploited, but for the moment it is truly new. It has just been born and it's roar has, in my opinion, served vocal notice to the media as it currently stands.

Finally this is Our revolution. The Iranians fight for their freedom, we fight with them and we rise in support and sing, but this may be one of those moments in history where the human race is given another chance at growing up. I have seen these walls fall between us. There are no Iranians, No Americans, No British, No German, no republican, no democrat, no conservative or Labour there are human beings working compassionately for each other, hoping for each other for no other reason than to help, to wish strainingly with every fiber of our being for a better world for everyone. We wish and in realizing our wish we let go, just a little bit, of all of the things that have sadly separated us for so long - those things that 'are in a name' and in a name alone.

Below i'll post a list of links i've gathered so that you can see for yourself what is happening. Hopefully it will inspire you just to look into yourself and admit only that you are human and that as such you hope for the best, and wish them all luck and peace in the future. That's all that it needs.

http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/the_web/article6544276.ece
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/13/iran-demonstrations-viole_n_215189.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/default.stm
http://iranriggedelect.blogspot.com/2009/06/i-will-participate-in-demonstration.html
http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/

Apparently we liberals are prone to freaking out - who knew?

Just a quick little note. I've been reading recently from various conservative bloggers and opinionazi's about how we on the liberal side of things are consistently 'freaking out' or thus and such. This is pretty standard parlance amongst those like Limbaugh, Malkin, Coulter etc who apparently want to believe that we are just as riled and angry as they are. They want to believe that they are having some sort of effect, mainly because they like to know they're getting our goat. Well, they're partially right. They've gotten my goat. Not because of any issue or perspective that they might espouse because, though i do listen, i have my own mind, keep my own counsel and use what little actual information they might spew in an effective and thoughtful way. I don't get transported to new heights of hysterics in railing against the effrontery of their positions. Frankly i wouldn't waste the time or energy.

What has gotten my goat is the assumption that their nonsense and verbal garbage has any effect whatsoever on anyone. Honestly i don't care about Dick Cheney or his position on national security. Why? Because his team, his views, his regime was soundly rejected by an election. That and he's a nutball. For me it would be the equivalent of the nitwit with a placard slung around his neck telling me that Aliens were responsible for Danny Gokey getting kicked off of american idol and because of that the future of the free world was at stake. It has pissed me off that Ann Coulter claims some sort of victory because she feels validated by people calling her crazy. It makes me a little mad that Limburger can espouse undoctored, unblemished refined hate on the air waves and then when someone dares to call it hate he calls it a victory of free speech. Sure. He's right. Just like calling a pile of poo stinky is a victory of free speech.

It seems to me that the rhetoric used on both sides is just dumb. It obfuscates everything. I see it most profoundly on the conservative side who literally conjure victories out of cloudcookooland, probably because they can't concieve of just how diminished their present relevance is. To me it's the equivalent of the Black Knight of Monty Python fame, rooted in the ground, legless and armless but still willing to fight. "I'll bite your knees off! Oh yeah. Run away!"

I suppose there isn't anything i can do about it except to state here in this blog that i for one could give a lesser crap. If i have any opinion at all - aside from the occasionaly mild irritation that comes from having to occasionally suffer through this stuff - it hovers somewhere around melancholy dismay. I feel a little sorry for these folks who seem so disastrously unable to carry through their own arguments to their conclusion. If Dick Cheneys vision of america showed up America would effectively be finished. Limbaughs version looks more and more like a brown shirted Bierhall Putsch than anything else and Coulter? If you can parse the dizzyingly bad, byzantine and labyrinthine logic she so chaotically employs her version looks more like a meth binge than sanity. (That's IF you can understand her, which i can only claim to do about 30% of the time.)

We need a valid opposition. I mean really. I am looking forward to getting on with business, politically speaking. Sure. I'm happy the Dems won. I'm a Dem and a liberal one at that. But i will admit that we desperately need a valid opposition and believe me when i say i'm looking, but lets face it folks, the Republicans have really painted themselves into a corner. In sidling up to the conservative viewpoint and carrying it forth as a banner they've alienated alot of people and they can't just put it down. This viewpoint has a disastrous effect on serious debate because it is at it's base untenable and static. By not permitting change and insisting on a return to values that only existed in a fully fictionalized version of WASP utopian america they have created a narrative for themselves that has already ended.

My advice to them, and i give this with all the spirit of friendship i can because this country desperately needs coherent and well reasoned opposition, is to close that book. Put the banner of conservativism down and try to figure out a new story. Overly emotional, knee jerk reactions have been the province of conservativism for a long time now and it has to stop. We need reason. I would say we need reason on both sides (dems have a tendency to gloat and be a little smug in their sense of things). But we definately have to figure this out.

Dear Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh and others...

I get it.

You're angry. Believe me i get it. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Pretty much every Liberal Democrat knows exactly how you feel. Just ask them. Seriously. We do, because frankly the anger you're feeling now, the frustration, the infuriation at somebody taking YOUR country and doing something YOU don't like with it is a feeling every democrat (and quite a few non-democrats) is intimately familiar with.

We watched with growing rage and horror for eight very very long years as the country we love and live in got systematically flushed down the shitter in more ways than even we had imagination to devise. If someone had told me nine years ago that our country would toss out the Geneva Convention, Employ torture openly, kidnap citizens of other countries and hold them in unknown camps for indeterminate periods of time without trial or anything i probably would have said that's absurd. I would have said the rule of law would protect against such things. If someone told me we would dutifully march off to war in a country where there was absolutely no evidence of biological or chemical weapons and that country would be accused, irrespective of the heaps of evidence to the contrary, to have ties to a known terrorist organization i would probably have laughed at them.

And this is just the beginning. But i'm not going to go into all of it. I'm just going to say i feel your pain. Really. Truly. I do.

But come on already.

Every day i read about your righteous indignation about this and that and the other thing. I read noxious reports on the possibility of revolution, tea parties, secession, rage rage hysteria some more rage and a little bit of bile, gall and wormwood thrown in for good measure. All directed with as much vim and vigor and enthusiasm as a group of hitler youth tossing copies of the torah into fires. Not saying you're Nazis because as you have clearly established in many of your more interesting posts we liberals are. As we all know we're leading the country to socialism. Which is fascism. I'm still trying to work that out.

Look. Take it from a democrat. It isn't going to do you any good in the long run. It really isn't.

Or heck. Maybe it will. Who knows? Let's just take a moment and reflect on the best possible solution to your (our) current problems. Barack Obama does the right thing and steps down from office - whether this is done through armed insurrection as some have proposed or because someone realizes that he stole the election and is, in fact, Osama Bin Laden in a really clever disguise. Whatever. So. Naturally we give the country back to the conservatives in the personage of Sarah Palin. Of course. I mean, who else is really qualified? Rush Limbaugh isn't even a politician. Mitch McConnell? Only if he could win against Sarah in a cage match and lets face it, that isn't going to happen. The only one with a shot is Dick Cheney and i'm pretty sure Sarah could take him though it would be a good fight worth at least $100.00 on pay per view.

From there we have much rejoicing. Everyone (except those damned Fascist Socialist Marxist Stalinite Trotskyists of course but who cares what they think - whoever they are.) celebrates. Schools close in an outpouring of joy, and so we can have enough time to purge them of their FSMST's which is everybody. Labor unions immediately take a hike so we can get on with the business of running America seriously without interference. Who needs those guys anyway?

Alright. Now that we got the labor unions gone and the teachers gone and alot of little kids running around we've got to do something with them. We sure as hell won't educate them, because well. Why? It's not like they're going to use it anyway and lets face it most of 'those' kids aren't worth the money to educate. It's my money anyway and i don't have kids so why would i spend my money on anyone elses kids? I know! Let's put them to work. Hell. It even makes sense. Seeing as kids are, what, a fourth of a person you can pay them a fourth as much, right? So right there you can stave off any of our good american money making companies from going overseas.

Problem solved. We're off and running. What? What abou those Fascist Socialists? Well. They won't cause much of a fuss really. After all they're a bunch of unamerican hippy swine. They didn't even take the second amendment seriously enough to buy guns to protect themselves against us. So. Problem solved. What are they going to say to us? Gee, please don't do this? Nah. They won't say much at all. They will lapse into their snivelling whininess that we all know they do and they will be quiet. If they aren't quiet, of course, we send them where the teachers went. Someplace else. Maybe Canada.

The environment - What environment? God gave it to us so we're going to use it. Global warming? Our scientists have proven that it doesn't exist and the scientists that prove that it does exist, no longer exist. So that takes care of that.

International Affairs. Oh that's easy too. Anybody who pisses us off gets stomped. We are America after all, the Best Damned Country Ever In the History Of Anything EVER. And if you don't agree we'll smash something. We're good at smashing things. It makes us happy. And none of this silly talking stuff. We don't do that. We don't shake hands with people. We don't say nice things to our enemies. Nope. That's not our way. We smash.

And finally to economics. We have a great idea about that. Yeah the economy is in the shitter which is clearly the fault of those fascist socialist trotskyite capitalists so once we get rid of them, well, there will be more space - more houses available and more jobs for the good americans. So that solves the jobless issue. As for money? Well. Now that we have those guys going back to work, and their kids, and the unions are gone everybody can happily work 15 hours a day - taxable of course, which will go to running what little government there is. (cause what need do we have for that except to buy more guns to stomp those we don't like) Those tax revenues that are left will, naturally, go to those people who provide the 15 hour a day jobs so that they can provide more 15 hour a day jobs to more kids, i mean people. Obviously someone will have to have money to buy the things that the 15 hour a day worker produces so its also a good thing to keep those folks fairly flush with cash, don't you think? I do.

So there you go. I like it. You know i think i'm starting to come around to this idea. It just might work.

So keep up the anger. Protest. Buy more bullets. Have tea parties. If a democrat dares to say something like 'the sky is blue' today tell them it's red or better yet shoot them. Whatever you do, of course, do not engage them in conversation, don't try to be patient, don't listen, and don't think about it, and do not offer any ideas. That's just what we want you to do. Give us only your anger and confusion and frustration. Do not attempt being productive - that's playing right into our plans. Just sit and stamp your feet and eventually we'll come around.

Seriously?

P.S. Yeah, i'm wordy as hell. Sorry. Not to mention - first shot out of the box and i come up with this less than kind diatribe. Again. Sorry. Particularly to those of my friends who might find this and happen to be conservatives. You know me and you are aware that this is not directed at you but more at those bloviating twits who spew hot air and not much else. I have a great deal of affection for good discussion on issues even from a conservative viewpoint but i get a little tired of the constant, mundane, horror of most of the commentators out there.

All the grimy beautiful things that aren't fit to print...

...will probably be discussed here. I've decided, after much brutal thought, that this here bloggy thing will be the repository of thought, reflection, philosophy, opinion and other doggerel that people so enjoy ruminating over. The idea is that i'll try and actually discuss issues and so forth so it has the distinct potential of being a bit contentious, which is always fun - don't you think? 'Cuz we human beings don't have nearly enough contention to contend with.

The basic idea is that i will try and be considerate and reasoned in my opinions with just a soupcon of righteous indignation tossed in here and there as seasoning. That said the order of the day will be satire. I like satire. Unless it is brutally cruel, in which case not so much.

So. Before i begin eviscerating all that sucks in this world let me fill you in on a few details about me so you don't have to read the earlier posts from long ago.

First - I am a liberal. Whatever that means. In fact i don't actually believe in a liberalism or a conservativism. In fact 'ism's', in my opinion, are just an appendage we put on something when we want to seperate it from everything else only we know we can't. So there you go. My first contentious thought. Not so bad is it? But when speaking of trains, trails, rivers, streams and tributaries of thought it seems fairly routine to have a name for things and seeing as i don't have time right now to invent a language we'll go with 'liberal' to describe my train of thought. Or river. Or Tributary. Or something that travels along a certain trajectory.

Getting the hang of this yet? It's really not so bad.

Anyway. I bring this up because you'll find alot of the usual liberal ramblings in here, hopefully done with a little more panache and a bit more reason than you're used to. BUT if you cannot stomach the ideology at all and prefer to fly off the handle in irrational tirades of relative injustice either from a Liberal or Conservative viewpoint this is probably not the blog you want to read. I shall be the final arbiter of what is neurotic hysteria and you shall be duly ignored. This is your notice.

Second thing you should know: I consider myself a buddhist. Which (see above) is just another word someone whipped up for something and which actually means very little. But it is generally illustrative of the point i come up with. You may well say i have feet. True, but so utterly obvious that it is barely worth mentioning. I mention it, again, because it might help the reader understand the perspective.

Third, there will be, in due course, some ramblings and irrational bullshit posted by me periodically. Take no notice of the guy behind the curtain. He's probably just having a rotten day. It happens to everybody and i notice from time to time that my thoughts are anything but coherent and are occasionally given to transports of emotion that don't generally engender good opinions in people of opposing viewpoints.

So that's it. Now. Go out and tell all your friends about this great new blog you're about to start following with breathless anticipation. 'Cuz really i need the ego boost. Oh. Wait. No i don't.

If you should choose to comment - and i really enjoy a good discussion - please do so and enjoy. This is for everyone, really, and i hope to have the entire reading audience sing a rendition of kumbaya very soon - in unison - globally.

It's new, shiny and plastic, and oh so very expensive!!!

It has been quite a long time since my last post on this 'ere bloggy thingamawhatsit. Much has happened - none of which will i regale you with, so there. My bid'ness is my bid'ness and that's that. I figure i've already said too much about some of it on this blog already. Nothing like ripping out your own bleeding heart and presenting it to the world while it's still pumping and saying 'come on, people - love it. It's so cute and red and oh my goodness there seems to be something wrong with it, cause its not flopping the way it used to.'

All i will say to this end is that i have successfully transplanted it back into my body and made a few adjustments so that it works a hell of a lot better than it ever did before. It's like cybernetic or something! Okay, more like i have actually fixed the defects and it now simply functions properly. This dangerous and expensive procedure should probably have been performed ages ago but due to budgetary constraints on my intelligence which prioritized it somewhere behind a grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast it hadn't been done and then, much like everything in a governmental system, was only tended to well after it had blown up.

Anyway. So. Why post now? You will all say. All of you. Come on. Say it. (crickets chirp, the odd tumbleweed drifts past) No good reason actually.

I have written a screenplay. Yay!!! (and for all of you who know me [again with the tumbleweed, a crow caws in the vast expanse] you may say, okay - how much of this alleged screenplay) Answer: The whole darned thing! The thing about writing the screenplay that i learned is that i love writing. I mean really. The act of typing on a keyboard is sort of like playing the piano or singing. (one of which i can sorta do and the other is a totally cool mystery to me) After finishing the screenplay - which is actually in the final stages of the final edit right now - i just went on a kick of screenplays. I have seven of them in the works right now in various stages and ideas for new ones just keep popping up in my head. Sometimes they are screenplay ideas and sometimes they are just the odd, random, somewhat clever thought about the days events.

Seeing as it's pretty difficult to jot down the odd random days events in Screenwriting format and seeing as a screenwriting formatting program is the only available word processor i have these days, i have decided to get back into the whole blogging thing. What the hell, huh? Join the masses!

So. I guess you could say this blog is sort of the reboot, in more ways than one. That is not to say i won't write some of the more philosophical stuff that i promised ALL of you earlier, but i can honestly say it probably isn't going to be of the same vein as before - cause let's face it the psychological stuff is my business. I am and must be my own therapist so thanks for listening to my crap but that's all there is.

Oh! And i will actually have artwork and links to some of the screenplay stuff as they become available. Basically it'll be you average run of the mill blog but hopefully enjoyable for all.

So there you go. Too bad my head is sorta empty right now or i would start with something really clever and interesting but nope. It's not there. Oh well. I'm off to sit on a pillow.

My Slow Return to Technowhoredom: Pandora review

I'm sure anyone who has found this blog will have found Pandora by now but i had to mention as i am listening to new great stuff on my Camera Obscura station, that Pandora is nothing short of awesome. If you haven't heard of or heard Pandora you must, immediately, before they start charging something.

If you didn't get the memo, as i didn't for a long time, Pandora is a website wherein lucky music whores such as myself create their own radio station. So first you put in the name of a song or an artist you particularly like. Right now that is Camera Obscura and naturally enough it starts off with a song by them or that particular song. But that is not where it ends.

Pandora is part of the Music Genome Project, which means that it takes some basic similarities between music you like and music you don't know about and it gives it to you. For free. Okay so you don't get to steal the song. Which is fine as i believe that good musicians are rewarded for doing good work by our cash. If you like it enough, however, you may buy it. Having no external MP3 device right now this isn't all that important to me bu i can see losing paychecks to it at some point if i ever do have such an external device.

Granted, if you have a varied emotional look on things and set up a Camera Obscura radio station be prepared for having the Glasgow blues. Given a choice between the Glasgow blues and the Delta Blues...well it would be a toss up but i know that the delta blues would make me sweat whereas the glasgow blues would make me feel like i've been standing in a steady piss for days on end. Oh wait. I have. I'm living in southeastern wisconsin.

It is probably in your best interest as an avid listener to have a more balanced view of your radio stations for fear of falling into a serious funk. Which is pretty much where i am but that, of course, is complicated by having many sad things to think about right now. Besides, it may be blue but my lord is it gorgeous.

Well. Not much else to say really. Go forth good people and listen.